I have to relate a story about managing anger that happened to me in a carpark last week.  Yes, I was involved in an altercation in a carpark!  Well, I didn’t actually have anything to argue about.  But apparently I parked too close to another car.  I understand this can upset some people.  But, in my defence, I was completely within the lines. So I didn’t think I had actually done anything wrong.  But I had a lesson in how to manage anger all the same.

What started as a simple shopping trip…

Coming out from the shops, carrying my bags, I saw someone had reversed their car out across behind my car.  They were completely blocking the entire car park lane! When I got closer, I realized the car had been parked next to mine. The female driver had reversed out, stopped, and was now painstakingly inspecting the outside of her BMW.

So perhaps you can guess what happened next. As I approached to find out what was wrong, she let rip!  She was not in the least bit interested in how to manage anger, clearly.

Things escalated quickly

She was quite worked up about the situation by the time I got there.  So were all the people trying to drive past.  They couldn’t get past her car.  So, it didn’t take long before I was also triggered by the circumstances. I was confused and embarrassed (because I don’t like being centre of attention) and getting more than a little annoyed!

Of course, in this situation, I didn’t stop to think about things.  I just knew I was getting about equally worked up as she was. And very quickly, too.

What I should have done was to stop and analyse my feelings first.  However, under the circumstances, I just didn’t have the nous to stop and do that!

Fortunately, I did have the presence of mind to hide my feelings (one time when COVID face masks are handy). And mind my manners and get a grip on how to manage anger that was rising inside.

How to manage anger whilst under fire

At the end of the day, she was being utterly rude to me.  But I was naturally inclined to play the gentlemanly role and try to be polite.

It is never a good look to get loud, demonstrative or violent towards a woman.  And any of those behaviours would only have got me into serious trouble.

Now, as I said, she was quite worked up and very emotional.  Furthermore, she was not going to give me a moment to speak in my own defence.

She was actually accusing me of ignoring road rules and being disrespectful, amongst all kind of other make believe.

None of this was helping me to control my own mood – which was starting to escalate out of control.  Controlling how to manage anger was especially difficult when she started to question my integrity!

How to manage anger when everyone is watching

Maybe she did me a favour. Because despite how angry I was getting with all this (remember, everyone is standing around watching the show), so I had to come up with something to say which did not make me look like the baddie.

So, with a huge amount of self-control, I said “Sorry if I have caused you some fear for your paint work, but I assure you I have not touched your car.”

And to my surprise, she stopped in mid sentence, blinked a couple of times, and then proceeded to start repeating from the beginning! I could not believe it. Then I started to feel angry all over again.  How dare she give me a lecture in front of everyone? Again!

Now, wait a minute!

Suddenly. I stopped and thought.  How ridiculous is this situation?

Obviously, she does not mind making a scene in front of everyone! She is only embarrassing herself now, would you agree?

And suddenly I stopped being embarrassed and angry.  Instead, I actually started smiling inside my COVID facemask.

In a moment I had transitioned from being angry, to feeling bemused and smiling.  I actually realised in that moment that I had won the day.

I had completely deflated her argument.  She evidently realised she had nothing more to argue about, nothing else to do, but to start repeating herself.

At the point she (must have) realised that she was making a goose of herself, she suddenly jumped in her car and drove away!

Stunned and dazed – and a clear conscience

I was left dazed and confused.  But, I was SO PLEASED with myself!  Despite the provocation, I had not lost my temper and I did not embarrass myself in front of anyone!

So, I am not sure how this feels to you as a reader.  It felt great to me, because I knew I had done the right thing.

Obviously, I wish the whole thing had never happened.  It didn’t make me feel good at the time and it took quite a while to recover.  But at least when I have recovered, I felt like I ‘won’ on the inside.  With a huge amount of self-control, and drawing deep within, I knew how to manage anger when it mattered.

Would it be helpful to you to have the internal processes to not trigger in such situations? Reach out if you would like to talk.