How do you argue? Do you get angry when someone doesn’t agree with you? So, who is right and who is wrong? This is a very common problem for all of us.  Sometimes we don’t necessarily agree with each other – this is true! And it is also true that we don’t have to agree with each other all the time. Life would be completely boring if that ever happened!

So the question for today is: How do we handle it when we have a disagreement?

Do you seek to understand the other person’s point of view? Or do you go in boots and all to protect your position? How do you argue? No matter which way you choose to do it, what do you feel like when someone doesn’t agree with you? Do you feel your hackles rising? Do you feel aggravated with their opinion? Or do you just cave in and agree with them, even if you do not agree?

Now – this is interesting. Why do we have so many different ways to deal with this?

The Facts Never Lie – Or Do They?

Well – it’s all about The Facts and The Truth.  After all, The Facts never lie. Or do they?

Now here is an interesting point. Maybe the facts are crystal clear. Well, they might be obvious to me! But not everyone thinks the same way.  Am I right?

And when someone doesn’t agree with us, that can cause an interesting discussion.  It may cause a full on argument!

But we need to be careful if we get into a heated discussion or a full on argument.  Because one or both of us might get angry.  And who is right and who is wrong? How can two people have completely different viewpoints? They can’t both be right.  Can they? So, this is my point here. I thought The Facts are The Facts.  And The Facts never lie.  So, who is right and who is wrong? Well, maybe we just get the facts a bit twisted sometimes. Ever heard the one about three blind men and an elephant?

Why Do We Argue Our Point?

There is clearly something going on here.  There is, and it is in the subconscious mind. In my opinion, it all comes down to the fact that we humans are sociable creatures.  Our survival is dependent on one another!

In historic times, humans evolved in small social groups, families, tribes or whatever kind of society existed back then. And, in a lot of ways, this is still true. Most of us live in communities of one sort or another.  We just don’t realise how much we depend on it! Many of us have a community of friends, family, sports club, church, and work friends. It is part of what it means to be human. Furthermore, we often feel a strong need to fit in and belong.  So to do this, we need to earn their respect and their approval. After all, if we don’t ‘fit in’ we feel that there is a risk that we will be left out.

Why is this so important to us? Quite simple.  In ancient history, being cast out of the tribe probably meant we would not survive! Our fear of not belonging is our fear of being cast out.  It’s our fear of not surviving.  It’s our fear of dying.

Are We Arguing With The Facts?

So, what does this do to our brain when it comes to believing the facts or the truth?  Sometimes, we believe certain facts depending on what our family and friends believe.  Importantly, we will defend them no matter what!  But remember this – we arrived at our beliefs because we believed our friends or family. And, we need to be careful here. Because it may not be the truth.  It may not be the whole truth.  Or, it may even be completely false! It can come as a shock to some people to find out that this is the way our brain works.  Our brain doesn’t always get it right! Our brain believes it to be right, because our survival to a point has depended upon this belief.  But, could this belief be one-sided, do you think?

How Do You Argue?  Is It With The Truth?

How do you argue, then.  Is it with the truth?  Or, is it with your truth?  What is the truth? And what happens to the facts?

Sometimes we can take the facts and figures and bend them to suit our own beliefs. And when it comes to choosing between facts and friends – we will prefer to choose our friends! Oftentimes, the real truth is not always as important as maintaining friendships.  Because as humans, we have a strong need to belong.  Our survival depends upon it.  Or so our subconscious brain believes.

Remember The Old Saying

You know that old saying?  The facts never lie…

Well, maybe we just get the facts a bit twisted sometimes.  So, BE CAREFUL what you argue about!

Is Anger Getting You Down?

Of course, we all get angry at times, but if you’re feeling angry constantly, daily, hourly, then something is wrong.  Anger getting out of control is a sign that something probably needs to change.  Anger coaching can be an ideal way to enable that change at the ground roots level and provide lasting change.  Contact Us HERE to find out more.