There are many a cause of anger management issues in relationships, but perhaps none so totally frustrating as “The LIST”.  Do you keep a list?  One on your fingers, or one impressed on your brain?  Perhaps it’s written about in your journal, if you keep one.  But – here’s a thought: does your partner keep a “LIST”?

Do you hate it when your partner makes a list?

How do you respond when your partner brings out this long list of problems between the two of you?  That is a bit of an anger trigger isn’t it?
Some of the stuff on the list has been on there for years. And, no matter what we do, it is never forgotten.
No matter how hard we try to fix the stuff on the list, or how old the list is, we still seem to get reminded about it all the time. Same old stuff. Same order, even.
This is an age old problem for a lot of us.  “The LIST” is a common cause of anger management issues in relationships.  Because, the problem is that whenever we get into an argument – out comes “The LIST again!
And it is generally full of all our old mistakes that we just wish would go away”.  But they never seem to.

Does it make you angry when your partner brings out “The LIST”?

Do you find yourself getting into arguments – and then out comes “The LIST”?
I’m willing to be you even try hard to keep your temper under control.  But you probably find you keep getting triggered by what’s on “The LIST”.  Am I right?

Y’know all of those old problems that we thought were done and dusted? Do you think it is time to just get over some of it?
And the real problem is you just can’t do anything to fix it or make it go away. It just keeps following us around like a bad smell.

Now, this is where we need to be careful with our temper. By now you’ll likely see how this jolly list can become a cause of anger management issues in relationships.

Because, does it make you angry when you get accused of old stuff? That stuff that you thought was forgotten, but just keeps coming back?

Do you want to know the best way to stop getting angry about the list?

Well here’s the thing.  There is no point getting angry about what is on the list. In fact, there is no point worrying about the list at all.

The problem is not what is ON the list. You see, the problem is that there IS a list.  The problem is that a list exists at all.

If you want to fix the problems ON the list, try working things out with your partner to find out what is really the underlying problem.

Instead of being a cause of anger management issues in relationships, it’s potentially possible to turn the list into the start of patching things up.  Back to how they used to be.  In the good days.

Uprooting the cause of anger management issues in relationships.

Intelligent communication is the only way.  Good old i) Listening and ii) Talking.  And, yes, I suggest you do it in that order!!

God gave us two EARS and only one mouth. And, don’t you know, there is a jolly good reason for that!

Do you find it too hard to have a conversation with your partner?

If you want to patch things up, you need to figure this out.  You need to lead the way in figuring it out.  No matter how much it burns.

Here’s why…

The problem is, most of us have an agenda we want to get across.  Well here’s the key – so does the other person!

If your own agenda is so important, then you have to understand that the other person sees their agenda as important also.

So when you are having a conversation – LISTEN.  And keep listening until they have finished.

And when they have had a fair turn, then, it’s your turn!  See it’s not so difficult is it?

Sounds unfair?

Oh, ok! So, you still reckon that’s a bit tough?  I’ll bet it’s not as tough as dealing with the stuff on “The LIST”!

Because, that is what we are talking about here, isn’t it?

But I promise you, you have to try this.  Simply because it’s probably better than whatever you have been trying up till now that hasn’t been working. A cause of anger management issues in relationships is not being able to see the perspective of the other person.

Give it a go.  What can you lose by listening?  All the way through.  Ask questions so that you understand.  People feel different when they believe they’ve been ‘heard’.

Or, ask me for some help how to get it started.  Because, you just might make the list disappear forever.  How good would that be?  Contact me for Anger Coaching on:

So, go on and give it a try.  Even let me know how it went!